Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
