Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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