I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
