Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
