True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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