What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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