k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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