I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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