i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
