hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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