I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
