I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
