Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
