Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
