my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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