I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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