When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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