i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
