He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
