I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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