Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
