i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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