I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
