I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
