Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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