Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
