i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
