I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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