I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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