how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
