We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
