please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
