Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
