Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
