Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
