Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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