Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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