I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
