I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
