Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
