My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't turn off my feet"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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