She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
