Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
