And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she smelled like a LAN party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
