Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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