I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
