I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
