I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
