Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
