Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
