Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
