I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
