Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
