It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
