I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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